My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I can text with my tongue
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
