Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
