i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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