I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
