and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
