just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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