i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
