you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
