I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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