Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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