worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
