8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
