Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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