I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
