my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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