can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
