How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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