You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
