I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
