I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
vagina is talking i cant
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
