Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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