does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
