Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
