you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
