Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
