did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My pussy is not your playground.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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