I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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