I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
