Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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