i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
