Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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