my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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