u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
