I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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