I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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