Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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