I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
