I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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