a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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