My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
