I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
