Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
