That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
