If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
