are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
