doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
