nut hugger
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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