One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
