we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
