...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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