i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
