the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
well I can't set my house on fire every night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
